We all sometimes feel drained in a friendship/ relationship, and we sometimes think it’s probably a phase and we tend to ignore it. You and your friend might have grown together but now have grown apart because of the differences in values, opinions, etc. and in the long run you might have started feeling as if the relationship has become toxic, you might ignore your friend’s behavior towards yourself because you believe that’s how they are built, it’s their personality and being a true friend, it feels logical to accept them the way they are. You, are not wrong here but not right either! Why? Because it’s good to respect and accept others until you are not disrespecting yourself. You don’t need to drink poison just because you are thirsty same way don’t need to deal with toxic people just because you don’t want to feel alone. Cutting people out of your life doesn't mean you hate them; it simply means you respect yourself. It might feel difficult at first, but it will all be worth it.
Also read: Social Media- An Illusion
Let’s look at what are the signs you need to cut off ties with your friend: -
1. You miss that person even when you are together.
2. They are no longer interested in what you have to say, or how do you feel, or the problems you are facing.
3. They come to you for emotional support but aren’t there when you need them.
4. They don’t respect your choices instead they judge you on them.
5. Your friend criticizes you condescendingly but doesn’t accept your criticism (for instance after getting your hair cut short, they might tell you that “long hair suited you well, who else would tell you the truth but me”, instead of looking at the fact that you are happy with the way you look)
6. You are no longer able to share your accomplishments with them probably because you don’t feel like it.
7. You think before saying anything because you are scared that they might get offended (What is friendship if not being your un-filtered self with them?)
8. You are the only one scheduling calls and meet-ups.
9. They tend to forget to call/text you.
10. You no longer feel that you are a priority.
11. You don’t get the same vibe anymore.
12. It feels much like a one-sided friendship.
If you are able to relate to the signs above, then it’s time to let them go. It’s time to take a stand for yourself. It’s time to prioritize your mental peace over people. Explaining your side of things is pointless with toxic people. They are incapable of communicating outside the selfish filter of “convenient victim,” that they view life through. Explaining why you are hurt, upset, and announcing that you are going to cut them off, etc., is nothing but caviar for their ego. Starve them of the abundance that is YOU by acting on what you’ve been exposed to. They know exactly what they did, you don’t need to justify your actions here. Never wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.
You may acknowledge the above-mentioned signs but now the FOMO (fear of missing out) and overthinking about everything sinks in. You start asking yourself, that “she has been good to me, how can I do this to her?”, sure she/he was; but what’s the status at present? Respect them for the efforts they made, the memories you have but do not decide your future because of what your past holds. People are meant to come and go, that is life. You might feel like you don’t want to be the bad person here, and maybe because of which you are not able to cut them off, but that shouldn’t be the prime reason, we all are bad in someone’s story, what matters is your peace. If someone thinks you’re being dramatic or selfish, then they obviously haven’t walked a mile in your shoes. It’s not important for you to explain yourself. You get a pass here. Don’t let anyone else try to saddle you with guilt or shame. If you need your space, take it.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. You will outgrow certain people, let yourself!
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Now, the question comes that how to cut them off? First of all, make yourself understand that it’s all a part of life and it’s normal to cut off with people who don’t appreciate you the way they should, absence is far better than an unnoticed presence. If you are the kind of person who is good at communicating and wants to be straight forward then go to them and tell them how you are feeling and what do you want to do. But if you are someone who wants to cut off silently then you just need to be silent, you don’t need to text/call them, although respond if they do; eventually you will notice the bond fading, the text would become shorter, calls would come rarely because they anyway don’t want you and slowly but eventually you will stop talking one day. In this case, you need to stop overthinking and be busy in your own life, yet be patient, undoubtedly the best revenge is to shine. Time heals almost everything, give time some time.
Holding on to people is good until they are holding you back too. If not, there’s no point staying there, go where you are respected and loved.
Do not feel guilty, it’s ok to turn the pages of the book sometimes, in order to live and write a new story. Invest your energy where it is respected and returned, there are people who love you, why do you want to focus on the ones who don’t? It hurts to see your friend/partner going but hey, everybody has some part in your life and they leave when their part is over. Life's too short to be held back by less-than-stellar relationships. So don't be afraid to move on from the ones that are stale, toxic, or not worth your time. Open doors for healthy relationships by closing them for the toxic ones. You never know who is hindering your growth, until they are gone.
We learn each day because life teaches us each day and I share with you whatever I learn as this isn’t a blog but my digital diary, we all are growing, so let’s grow together! Sending you good vibes :D
“As you remove toxic people from your life, you free up space and emotional energy for positive, healthy relationships.” ― John Mark Green