We, humans, are social animals and we like to be admired and accepted. We want people to like our content, photos, videos, ideas, etc. We want others to approve of what we do, and it’s completely normal because that is how we are designed.
Even the most successful people seek validation and it is somewhat important as it makes you sensitive to the need of others. What we are made to think is that you should not care about what other people think of you (which is right) but at the same time we should care how our actions/words will affect people around us. There is a difference between being sensible and being selfish, we all need to understand it. You must have heard about NOKIA and how people mock it nowadays and the only reason is that the company didn’t evolve with time, why? Because it didn’t care about what other people think whereas companies like Samsung, Apple, One plus are leading the market today all because they seek validation, they care about what their customers think about the kind of product they bring to the market. We as students are provided with a feedback form soon after we finish attending a session which makes them improve the quality of teaching because they are sensible and mature enough to hear opinions without feeling demotivated.
Since ancient times humans have been living in groups to avoid danger and to have a feeling of security. So, my friend if you are having a hard time not caring about what other people think just accept that it’s alright, the thing is that there should be a balance. You should not lead your life the way people want you to, be the way you are, but at the same time, you need to be sensible and understanding towards the society you are living in.
Also Read: Manipulation- The art of using your insecurities against you
Validating your thoughts and emotions will help you calm yourself and manage them more effectively. Validating yourself will help you accept and better understand yourself, which leads to a stronger identity and better skills at managing intense emotions. Self-validation helps you find wisdom. Learning to self-validate is not so easy. Notice that mindfulness and self-validation go hand in hand. Being mindful of the thoughts you are having and the feelings you are experiencing is necessary before you can validate that internal experience.
Talking about me, one of the blogs I recently wrote didn’t perform well and when I analyzed it, I realized the content I wrote was of 1100 words and nobody wants to read that much especially when people today have an attention span of just 11 seconds, also I feel like I could have done a better job at writing and the third thing is I posted it on the wrong time. As a writer, it’s important for me to focus on the views, likes, and comments on the blog that I post; It’s important for me to seek validation as I just cannot go on writing anything I want to, the topic, the content, the quotes, backlinks, images everything matters. A lot of hard work, thinking, researching goes into a single blog and I obviously don’t want it to fail. But what If I tell myself that “I don’t care what other people think, I am going to write whatever I want to, this is my site” this simple sentence is capable of destroying everything that I put into writing. The thing that matters is approach; when I saw the views falling, I would have been demotivated and sad about it but I analyzed the situation and I am willing to improve. As it is said “josh mei hosh nahi khona chahiye”.
A great validation-seeking example from our daily life is Facebook/ Instagram.
Have you seen that little ‘Like’ thumb/ heart button?
Yeah, that SCREAMS validation.
We share photos and update statuses in the hope of getting approved by our friends. When the “you look stunning” comments and ‘hearts’ flow in we feel happy. As long as you don’t consider Facebook as an extension of your identity and get obsessed with forcing people to ‘like’ your updates, you’re doing fine. Being popular and liked is a deeply satisfying feeling, especially given how important social media is to people nowadays. But going out of the way to coax others into approving you, or even worse, changing yourself to fit in with general expectations just to be liked, is pathetic.
When it comes to choosing between you and the world, always choose yourself. If you feel like nobody out there is encouraging you or respecting your work, then go for self-validation this is one way through which you can fight the world. Tell yourself you are good at what you do, you will find a way out to improve things and then work upon them. If after writing something, I get a sense of satisfaction then deep down I know that the article is going to do great and if it still doesn’t then it tells me that it was capable of giving me a sense of satisfaction but probably not to the readers and I need to mold and write the content the way people want to read it.
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When you find people criticizing you or simply telling you where you went wrong, think about it for a second, and if you feel they are right work on it, if not then move on. Remember not to let external validation go too far. Else, you give people around you the permission to determine your worth and value. In such cases, find out the insecurities holding you back and work ground up to build your identity. Even when you practice such internal validation, beware not to give in to confirmation bias.
Like many things in life, you’ve to strike a balance with validation.
“Yes, you are sufficient ALONE. But it’s okay to have chocolate cookies with your friend while casually validating each other’s lives”