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Practicing Detachment

Why do we attach ourselves so much to a concept or a person that we collapse ourselves in the process, knowing it’s wrong? We give a person so much responsibility for our emotions along with the control of them. We let them lead us, what for? Are we incapable?

With attachment comes a very strong urge to control the circumstances whereas detachment allows you to look at your thoughts as an outsider, letting them come and go without allowing yourself to feel too much about them. The detachment isn’t always voluntary. It’s instead of the result of events that make the person unable to be open and honest about their emotions.

Emotional detachment can be helpful if you use it purposefully. You may set boundaries with certain people or groups. It helps you stay at an arm’s length from people who demand a lot of your emotional attention. But emotional detachment can also be harmful when you can’t control it. You may feel “numbed” or “muted.” It helps you to stay away from drama and saves you from creating or reacting to it because it doesn’t affect you. Some people willingly train themselves to behave this way, whereas for some it is not under their control because it is the result of the circumstances they have been through.

One should practice detachment because it is healthy, of course to an extent that you don’t feel detached from the rest of the world. True detachment allows for deep involvement because of the lack of attachment to the outcome. The trick is behaving like an Oscar award-winning actor playing a role: become fully emotionally immersed and recognize that you can step outside of the character and be objective. The emotions at that moment are just as real as your dreams, goals, and plans. But you can step outside of them if you need to. This ability to recognize that you can step outside and reflect to detach who you are from the desired outcome is what true detachment is.

Detachment also makes you feel independent, that you can fight your battles yourself and you don’t need anyone to survive hence it is healthy because now you don’t form bonds with people because you need them, you do so because you truly appreciate their presence, and people around can question you for doing what you are doing as they may not understand you. But, remember not to give anybody the right to question your morals or ideals. Now, as you are aware of the idea behind detachment, here’s how you can practice detachment: -

1. Observe your mind: Become aware of what kind of thoughts you habitually think. What things or descriptors do you identify with most? Become a student of self and heighten your awareness of where attachment happens more frequently for you. Recognizing attachment comes with an emotional charge. Notice where you feel this in your physical body. It’s different for each individual and learning your patterns is a useful tool for creating change.

2. Distinguish between ego and actuality: Your ego might tell you that not getting the job you want has ruined your career. The actuality is: that you are disappointed because you didn’t get something you wanted. Nothing has changed except your thoughts about your future potential. The actual situation is the same as it was before not getting the job and you can still advance your career.

3. Embrace uncertainty: Only a willingness to embrace the unknown provides security. As Deepak Chopra says, “Those who seek security in the exterior world chase it for a lifetime. By letting go of your attachment to the illusion of security, which is an attachment to the known, you step into the field of all possibilities. This is where you will find true happiness, abundance, and fulfillment.”

4. Meditate on it: Meditation is a vehicle to help your mind release patterns of thought and action that no longer serve you. Spend some time in meditation each day and watch how the patterns in your life begin to change.

5.Don’t beat yourself up for falling into old habits: The first step in making change is recognizing what it is you want to change. Instead of getting frustrated or disappointed when you fall back into an old habit, celebrate that you are now noticing when you repeat the pattern of thought or habit. In time, this will allow you to transform your behavior.

Detachment, sometimes it’s necessary to restore your sanity. Your peace of mind. Detach from needing to have things work out a certain way. The universe is perfect and there are no failures. Give yourself the gift of detaching from your worries and trust that everything is happening perfectly.

“If you truly want to be respected by people you love, you must prove to them that you can survive without them.”

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