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Manipulation: The art of using your insecurities against you.

Updated: Aug 17, 2021


 

If you find yourself asking questions like, “How do people manipulate me so easily?”, “I knew they were provoking me, but I still gave in” etc. then don’t worry I got your back!

These questions are very common, I used to be in your shoes before I realized what was the thing that I was doing wrong. So, let’s discuss what are the reasons we get manipulated by people that too so easily.

Manipulation is a type of social influence that aims to change the behavior or perception of others through indirect, deceptive, or underhanded tactics usually by gaining the attention and interest of another person. Manipulators have common tricks they use to make you feel irrational and more likely to give in to their requests. A few common examples include Guilt, Complaining, Comparing, Lying, Denying, ignoring, blame and mind games. Sometimes, people are too kind to you for no reason, that is a form of manipulation, for example, you must have seen some of your friends start being too friendly towards you all because they want you to do something, we know them as “tabhi ate h mere pass jab kaam hota hai!”.


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I have been manipulated by people who told me, “You know what, you literally react to everything, you get angry at little things” because of which I used to remain silent even when I knew what they were doing or saying was wrong, I used to tolerate the insult. There is a difference between reacting and taking a stand. What happened with me was clearly a very clever form of manipulation and it happens with a lot of us. You may find people telling you what they don’t like to tell you that you are not supposed to do it, that is also a form of manipulation because they know you won’t do that thing to be in their good books; Do you need to do that? NO! NOT AT ALL.


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The picture at the right is just another example of how people manipulate us in our everyday lives, you should help people but should also be aware of what your priorities are and act accordingly.

People who inspire it in you are actually very powerful. Getting someone else to take care of you, feel sorry for you--that takes a lot of strength, smartness, and manipulation. When you are being manipulated, there's a sick feeling in your heart or in the pit of your stomach, similar to the one which arises when you are forced into something you don't really want to do. It's like your soul is being violated and you are unaware of it, or rather silence it to focus on the stimuli; which is the manipulative behavior and the person itself. Your gut always gives you a sign when the person is speaking the truth or when the person is simply trying to manipulate you which we call as, “I was not able to get the vibe that what he was speaking was the truth, it was a strange feeling as if it was all a lie”. I believe that when someone is true to you, your gut will tell you and when not you’ll get a confused feeling; it has worked for me and it might work for you as well. There is a certain discomfort experienced after ending the conversation with a manipulative person. You will walk away feeling uneasy, unsure, or bad about yourself almost all of the time. You must pay attention to this wiggly feeling as it can tell you about the person you interacted with, the kind of interaction you just had or have been having with them in the past. The same is the case with toxic friends. Your energy will be ruined with having them around and you will walk away feeling low most of the time and you obviously don’t need that kind of energy, do you?

These are some of the questions that can certainly help you not to get tricked:

· Is this my responsibility?

· Would this person be there for me if the tables were turned?

· Am I doing this to feel good about myself?

· Am I doing this to avoid emotional pain?

· What is my gut telling me? Etc.



Also, if you ever feel like you don’t have an answer at the moment or you feel they might be tricking you, you can demand time by saying: This is too much information for me to process, I don’t know how to react currently, I’ll get back to you when I’ll feel like I have an answer, I need time to think about it, etc.

I hope you’ll be aware next time you have to deal with manipulative people :) Remember to respond and not to react, you are smart enough to do that!

“We live in a world where unfortunately the distinction between true and false appears to become increasingly blurred by manipulation of facts, by exploitation of uncritical minds, and by the pollution of the language” ~ Arne Tiselius
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