Sometimes we get so much insecure in a relationship that we start doubting the person as well as the bond we share with them to an extent that we start questioning whether the person or the bond is even right for us or not? We all have been in situations like these, don’t you agree? But sometimes, it’s neither the person nor the bond at fault, it’s you and your insecurities.
It’s okay to feel insecure about certain things, until and unless you aren’t turning a blind eye to them and blaming your partner for it. We all have certain fears, probably because of how life has treated us so far but the main thing is at some point, we need to acknowledge them and heal right? You can’t suffer and make others suffer too just because you are afraid, that’s just not fair; neither fair to you nor other people in your life. We all have a past and we all see patterns repeating such as you might end up liking similar people and think to yourself “What if he/she turns out to be the one I moved on from, because they are so similar”, hold on! Now they are similar because the main character is the same i.e., you! It’s not valid to judge a person based on people you have met so far. Everyone holds a different story in your life and you can’t expect the ending to be the same, what if it’s not? What if they turn out to be someone exactly you wanted? I know it’s good to be careful but do not let your fears and insecurity control it.
You can be with the right person and still doubt it all. You may just be self-sabotaging because you are afraid to let anyone in too closely. When this happens, it can be because you're not aware of (or just don't know how to handle) your insecurities, projections, assumption, attachment style, and behaviors. You can’t have a healthy relationship with people around you until you don’t have one with yourself.
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What does insecure mean? Where do those feelings come from? The truth is that all feelings of insecurity are a result of our own limiting beliefs or the stories we tell ourselves about who we are and the type of life we deserve. If we had to earn love as a child by being perfect – or if we didn’t earn love at all, and instead were left with feelings of abandonment and loss – those feelings carry over into adulthood, whether we realize it or not.
You may sometimes doubt your worth, you may not trust your partner easily when they tell where they have been or where they are going or about absolutely anything and that is because you as a person don’t feel secure, you may find it hard to connect with them, during a conflict, you panic that your partner will leave, will reject you, or may judge you; you feel immediately offended, hurt, or shut down by something your partner asks of you, you instantly feel criticized and want to defend yourself by arguing or by shutting down completely, You pick fights and make them extreme issues, you use hurtful or definitive words, and create huge arguments around something that isn't very big once you've taken a step back, You struggle when it comes to permitting yourself to just be you, you judge yourself often and hold yourself to high standards. Do you find yourself fishing for compliments? Asking where your partner is going, even though you know the answer? Badgering them for extra attention although you spent the entire day together? Maybe you repeatedly ask your spouse about spending time with a co-worker who’s just a friend. All of these things are signs of insecurity in a relationship. It seems as if feelings of insecurity stem from outside forces – we fail at achieving a goal, we get rejected by a potential love interest, we don’t get that promotion we wanted. But the real root of insecurity is a lack of self-esteem. We project an image of confidence, but deep down inside, we feel that we don’t deserve love. And then we sabotage ourselves and our relationships.
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Sometimes all you need to do is stop then and there and ask yourself questions like, “what I am thinking is actually true, or is it just me overthinking the whole situation”? because your mind can fool you. At times, it’s better not to think about everything your mind tells you to (trust me that helps). And the fun fact is if you feel secure in yourself, others will also feel secure around you. Try this and see your friendship/relationship growing with every single person you know.
People say, “You fall in love” but with the right person and a healthy mindset, you rise in love. People tend to grow in the right direction and turn out to be their best version when they experience a healthy relationship. And listening to your insecurities would not help. Rise! There’s so much good in this world that you haven’t seen yet. It’s good to let your partner know of the things you fear, for them to help you overcome them because, what even is a healthy relationship, if not growing together?
I wish you all the best!
Sometimes our thoughts are backed by so much insecurity, that they create lies we believe.