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Envy and Jealousy- Are they any different?

When we say “envy” and “jealousy”, what do you think that means? Do you know the difference between the two and how a simple feeling like that can make or break bonds?

Let me explain to you. When I say “Congrats on your achievement! I want to achieve that too”, this is envying somebody, but when I say “How did she achieve that? I should have!” that is jealousy. Now, do you get it?

In simple words, when we are happy with someone’s success and we wish to achieve that too, we envy a person because we aren’t disturbed by their success, we are in a way inspired and want the same thing. But when we feel why she and not me? That! That my friend is jealousy. How difficult it is to be happy for someone? They achieved what they did because they worked hard for it as simple as that. But, people these days do not like leading a simple, happy, positive life. Hence, it’s very important to identify if people around are jealous of you or genuinely happy when you achieve something.

Also read: Your attitude- your window to the world

Envy isn’t healthy, just a less negative emotion. It’s important to understand that everyone is built differently, and following their path won’t help you, how about making your own?

Envy occurs when we lack a desired attribute enjoyed by another. Jealousy occurs when something we already possess (usually a special relationship) is threatened by a third person. If you are someone who gets jealous, first of all, it’s okay, and you can always change for the better. Let’s look at some signs to find out if you are jealous or not:

  1. You don’t celebrate their success. If you’ve ever found yourself feeling annoyed that your sister got praise for doing a chore properly, feeling like others are complimenting your significant other too much, or not sharing in a co-worker’s success, you may be jealous of them.

  2. You Humiliate In Public: this is extremely bad and may include snarky remarks like “you’re checking that guy/girl out” and more. These public displays of humiliation that embarrasses your companion stem from jealousy, or bringing up past failures/ mistakes.

  3. You start to avoid them. If you’re actively avoiding someone, it could be a sign that you’re jealous of them. You may find yourself skipping meetings with co-workers or a get-together with friends to avoid interacting with the person.

  4. You become overly critical of them. When you’re jealous of someone, you may find yourself being very critical of them. This can go along with not celebrating their success.

If you are jealous of your friends, the reason can be as simple as a lack of confidence, you may feel inferior to them or probably scared of their success and if you are jealous of someone getting close to your romantic partner, the reason can be your own unhealed trauma, asking for reassurance can help.

There’s a way to get over it, let’s see what:-

  • BE HONEST ABOUT JEALOUSY’S IMPACT: It’s impossible to solve a problem if you refuse to acknowledge it. Rather than pretending you aren’t feeling jealous or your jealousy isn’t a problem, be honest. How do you feel because of your insecurities, and how are they hurting your relationship? It might be difficult to acknowledge the problems your envy is causing, but take heart in the fact that you’re taking the first step to a healthier relationship.

  • LIST YOUR INSECURITIES: Mastering how to stop being jealous starts with looking at yourself. What insecurities are driving your jealousy? Are you unsure of yourself due to perfectionism? Are you comparing yourself to others? You’re not making this list to shame yourself; you’re owning your role in the relationship.

  • CULTIVATE SELF-CONFIDENCE: Once you’ve made a list of the insecurities driving your jealousy, write down an antidote to each one. If you’re living under the shadow of your partner’s ex, make a list of all the traits your partner loves about you. If you constantly compare yourself to celebrities, unfollow them on Instagram for a week. By giving yourself space from feelings of inferiority, you’ll be able to develop the self-confidence you need to overcome jealousy.

  • TALK TO A FRIEND: Jealousy can sometimes give you a slightly warped sense of reality. You might wonder if that nonverbal flirting you swear you saw actually happened. Sometimes, voicing these concerns to a third party can make the situation less frightening and help you gain some perspective.

  • CONSIDER THE FULL PICTURE: Jealousy sometimes develops in response to a partial picture. In other words, you might be comparing yourself and your own achievements and attributes to an idealized or incomplete view of someone else. But you never truly know what someone’s going through, especially when you’re just looking at social media. Your college friend with the Facebook photos of her and her husband out in a meadow, looking so carefree and happy? For all you know, they argued all the way out there and they’re sweating bullets under all that matching plaid.

  • BE THANKFUL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE: A little gratitude can go a long way. It cannot only reduce feelings of jealousy but also relieve stress. You might not have everything you want. Most of us don’t. But you probably have at least some of what you want. Maybe you even have some good things in your life you didn’t expect. This can help whether you’re eyeing your friend’s fancy new bike or wishing your partner didn’t spend quite so much time with friends. Remind yourself of your sturdy, reliable bike that gets you where you need to go. Consider the benefits of having a partner who appreciates the value of friendship. Even appreciating positive things in your life that don’t relate to jealousy can help you realize that, while your life may not be perfect (but whose life is?), you’ve still got some good things going for you.

As they say, “Change is the only constant”. We hold the power to change and become better versions of ourselves. Being happy in someone’s success only shows how confident and good of a person you are.

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