Have you ever wanted someone to understand you without you speaking, just like that? And have you ever been hurt when they don’t fulfill your fake scenario-made expectation? Do you understand people like that? Do you not want to be told what they want?
We sometimes do not even realize that expecting people to understand us without speaking every other time actually makes the relationship toxic. All because you didn’t ask for what you wanted and they failed at understanding by themselves, now you are hurt but you won’t speak up because you want them to understand themselves yet again! And slowly the vibes go away because of this never-ending loop. Now, you don’t feel happy and content with them. Ta-da, you destroyed a relationship all by yourself because you didn’t ask for what you wanted. How does it feel to realize that?
No one has got that superpower of reading your brain yet, can’t say about the future but till now nobody knows what goes on in your head, and hence it's expected that you will speak it out. Why do we want people to come and talk to us when we want to, why can’t we go to them and talk about it? What is stopping you from doing that?
Life isn’t complicated it is us who make it that way because we live it that way. You know, asking for what you want will not only make it easier for people to understand you and act accordingly but will also help you stay happy. Can we please stop thinking about people every time and start thinking about what do we want?
Why can’t you go ahead and start a conversation if you want to, why do you expect the other person to do so? They might not realize what do you want, which in turn can hurt you. Keeping expectations is normal, till the time you are keeping the real ones.
Nobody will ever come to you and ask you if you want that opportunity, you have been dreaming for, stand up, work for it and ask for it. The reality is you will rarely if ever, be given more than what you have the courage to ask for. So don’t dilute your requests in order to minimize the possibility of being turned down. Think about what your ideal outcome would be and then confidently, courageously, ask for it. Not in an entitled way. Not in an aggressive way. But in a way that conveys that you know your worth. While you may not always get what you want (whether it be a pay raise or the corner office) you will nearly always end up with more than you would have received otherwise had you not been bold in your request. In the workplace, the biggest reason for unmet expectations is a lack of understanding of exactly what was expected. For example, “Could you please get the monthly sales report to me by 2 pm Friday?” It’s unreasonable to expect to get what you want if people aren't clear about what that is.
Another important thing is that you get to tolerate what you allow others. If you allow others to take you for granted, to overstep your personal boundaries, or to be outright disrespectful, you are complicit in it. Letting others know what you expect from them as well as what you will (and will not) tolerate is crucial to both your professional success and personal well-being. So, ask yourself, what are you no longer willing to tolerate? Therein lies the boundary that you alone must set and the requests you alone must make.
Putting your own self and your own priorities above others isn’t selfish, it is smart, and hence demanding what you want or what you feel you deserve is healthy.
You might sometimes say no and might hear no too, but, it's important to take it maturely and not take it personally, we should understand. When people say no, don’t treat it as a personal rejection - accept it graciously and move on. At least now you know where things stand and you can plan accordingly. Asking for less than you really want - from yourself, from others, and from life - doesn’t serve anyone. So, I dare you - try asking for what you really want.
Who knows… you might just get it!
Take the risk to ask for whatever you need and want. If someone says no, you will not lose anything. If someone says yes, you have a lot to gain ~ Abhishek Ratna.